Big Day - a Letter to Mr. and Mrs. Russell

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Russell:

Congratulations on your recent nuptial, Mr. and Mrs. Russell.  Because of this event, I've been elevated to the status of a "mother in law."  Now there is one more person on the list for my mothering - wanted or not - and another son to love and cherish.  The boys already adore their new brother which, I understood, Mrs. Russell was a little annoyed (but secretly she was delighted, I'm sure.)


I’ve always detest unsolicited advice – to give or be given – and here I am trying to convey some thoughts about marriage to you two lovebirds. Most likely I just need to, one last time, be Mrs. Russell’s nagging mother. As I told you on your wedding day, Mr. Russell, from this day on, she is your problem. (After one month of marriage, you don't think I'm joking now, do you?)  What I didn’t tell you is that, from this day on, you are the one she will confide to; your hands are the ones that she wants to hold and that you are the center stage of her life. Me? I will be the audience at the front row seat shouting out encouragements or biting my lips.

To be honest with you, it is still somewhat of a shock to think that my oldest child, not yet 20, is married. Even more shocking is the certainty you both hold onto the decision that you are exactly what each other wants and that you would commit to each other at such tender age. Maybe this is the beauty of being young or the fact that you are courageous enough to follow your hearts’ desire. While everywhere in this world, adults, who could be very much in love, are afraid to make commitment; I watched you signing your names to ensure a lifetime of togetherness. Even though the mother in me worried, fretted and saddened, I am also touched and in awe of the simplicity of your thoughts on marriage and how naturally you embrace being married. You are beautiful together; you understand each other's thoughts, strength and you make each other laugh. If nothing else the wicked sense of humor you share should sustain your relationship for a long time. At least that's my own experience.

Frankly I don't have anything wise to say, to advise you. Every time the word "marriage" was spoken, I would think of this song "Big day" by XTC. Mrs. Russell is familiar with it because her parents love XTC. It might sounded a little bit cynical, a little bit doubtful, and a little bit too cliche though it does offer some advice and some of them you probably won't realize until later...  So get your iPod and find the song... Sing to it and always remember how you felt about each other on your Big Day. 

"It's your big day, your big day
So you want to tie the knot
Tie it tight, don't let it rot, the memory of this day
Are you deafened by the bells
Could be heaven, could be hell
In a cell for two
Big day come and big day go
Life goes on after the show
But will your love have the fire and glow
Like on the big day
Statistics they don't say a lot
But can you keep what you have got forever together
There's a lesson to be learnt
Many fingers have been burnt with the touch of gold
Love can come and love can go
What your chance is I don't know
But if you have love then let it show like on the big day
You're a new recruit
The big day
in your wedding suit today
Like on the big day
yes you're looking fine
The big day
sign on the dotted line
The big day
it's your wedding march today"


Love you both, 


Mom

It wasn't me...

I have a friend (a very good friend, actually) who, like me, also has a three-year-old son who is in the process of potty training.  Like Henry, this little guy is going through the “number 2” phase of the potty training.  My friend and I agreed that it couldn’t be happening any sooner for we are getting very tired of changing smelly diapers and pull-ups.  We exchanged tips and stories about our 3-year-old’s potty training experiences and she shared the following incident that only increased my admiration for her.

“As advised by all potty training experts, parents are supposed to take preemptive strikes; in other words, you don’t wait for the wee ones to tell you that they are ready for number 2.  You need to sit them down on the potty chair BEFORE they are ready to do it.  This particular evening, though, the 3-year-old, entirely on his own, announced that he is going to “drop a poop.”  The announcement was greeted with giggles from his family and of course he was asked, “What do you want to do now?” so we could hear the answer again “I go drop a poop!”

“I was enormously pleased with his taking the initiative and also extremely alarmed at his willingness to go.  As usual, I offered my motherly assistance and the little one was adamant that “I do it myself!”  He is either really in control of his bowel movement or something is up (or down in this case.)  I got closer to him and my suspicion was confirmed.  The odor was unmistakable and the child’s expression was telling.  He insisted again with louder protest “I do it myself!” because he could see his mother’s wrinkled nose and the look of “Really? And just how do you think you’re going to take care of THAT?!”

“Extending my hand to him, the 3-year-old took it with resignation and we marched to the bathroom.  I took his shorts off and pulled his Buzz Lightyear underwear down and there it was, the evidence of his shame.  The child looked down, unbelievingly and, clear as a bell, uttered: ‘HOLY SHIT!’  It’s all I could do to hold myself together so my chest wouldn’t burst from wanting to laugh out loud.  I cast my eyes down and ignored the comment.  The boy repeated the phrase making sure that I heard it and that he really did not know how it happened.”

The aftershock of the story was of course the parents placing blames first on themselves: “Oh, I hope he didn’t get it from me.” “It’s probably me… you know how I have no filters when I’m driving.”  Later blaming each other: “Do you remember that one time (yes, that ONE time) you said…”  Or “I told you it’s not a good idea to watch a PG-13 movie”.  And life goes on.  Eventually my friend was brave enough to relate this incident to a few close friends and everyone who heard the story either LOL or LTAO.  “Why didn’t you put this on your blog?” She was asked.  Even though she’s always been a person with an open mind and very thick skin, it was still a bit difficult to admit to the world that your 3-year-old could use such phrase as “holy s%^&!” so clearly and correctly.

So she asked me to write it.